It only made sense to have my first spirit post to be about my current state of both spirit and mentality. So this is where I'm at.
Over the past 6 months I've really noticed a change in myself. I've found that I've been comparing my over all progress in life with other peoples more so than usual. I've been feeling like I'm in a competition to stand out creatively, resulting in a lack of passion for the things I truly love. Without passion it's difficult to find inspiration and stay inspired. Not only that but there's also the burden of money, or lack there of. I've been living pay cheque to paycheque for 10 years by living in Toronto. I'm not saying I've been suffering by any means, but I have been scraping by. I'm unable to afford to pursue any sort of educational programs that I'm interested in which is a huge bummer. The only education I do have is for something I no longer desire to pursue. And not that it really matters at this point, but I don't have a high school diploma. So for me, creative outlets are what I strive in. But I'm not striving or thriving, I'm drowning in my own self doubt and financial issues.
This past month I have been focusing on positive change in every form by eliminating what is no longer serving me. I'm tired of living everyday filled to the brim with stress and sadness. I'm exhausted from the fast pace lifestyle that exists in the city. I have a massive room in a spacious apartment in an enormous city and I walk around feeling like I'm struggling to take a full breath of air. I can feel my spirit suffering indefinitely so that is why I am taking action. My first order of business was my living arrangement. I knew that I needed to live on my own again sans roommate, so I decided to give notice on my apartment and look for a place of my own. Doing so opened up the energy to truly allow change. And that's exactly what it did. Thanks to my dad, I was given the opportunity to take over his loft in my hometown of Guelph for a couple months until I figure out my next step. And lastly, my favourite elimination, my job! Being a super sensitive sponge to peoples energy, having a part time job as a server is not an ideal position.
I can't even begin to express to you my excitement to be leaving behind the top three things that have been causing me so much stress. It's so incredibly relieving to remove these blocks from my life and allow transition and change to roll on in. Without the distractions of the city, it's going to be considerably easier to focus and reassess my relationship with all of the things I usually feel so passionate about. I'm so excited to start my summer by just being still. The end is only a new beginning.